Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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