Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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