Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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