Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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