I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
