Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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