i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
