btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
