Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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