Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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