I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
