Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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