From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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