my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
