Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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