tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
