I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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