my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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