marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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