he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
