Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
