alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
