Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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