he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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