Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
