Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
