did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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