were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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