I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
