I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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