i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
