No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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