Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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