I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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