Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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