Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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