How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
