She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
