worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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