i think i have two assholes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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