we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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