Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
