Yo dont text me then not text me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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