I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we made out on top of his cat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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