So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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