I want to make a zoo with you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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