gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
