mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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