just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
