I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
