i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
