I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
