You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
