so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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