did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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