The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize