I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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