i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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