The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
