You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
