Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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