Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
