When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
