i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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