what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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