And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
