Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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