wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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