I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish i was in the wii world.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
