bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
