why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
pray to the hookup gods
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
