Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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