I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
