i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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