It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
