your thong is hanging out like whoa
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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