??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
