I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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