Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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