He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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