Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
