Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
