I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
