its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
